Once
by BrokenAmbition
Summary: Elderly Snape reflects on what once could have been. Oneshot. PG for hints of homosexual preferences.


Note: If homosexuality offends you: hit the back button. Similarly, if the idea of Severus Snape having loved Harry Potter, or Harry Potter having loved Severus Snape squicks you: hit the back button.

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.

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Once

-BrokenAmbition

"Here you go, Mr Snape," the medi-witch said to him, spoon-feeding him some sort of mushy rubbish. Even if Snape had been in control of his body, Snape wouldn't have said 'thank you.' He had never been one for false niceties. At the present, it was hard enough to work his jaw around food, let alone something that he had once despised.

Another medi-witch bustled into the familiar hospital room. "Did you here, Zee? Harry Potter passed away a couple of minutes ago, upstairs." Neither of them noticed the pain flash in Snape's eyes.

"Jess," she started consolingly. "A lot of the veterans are passing away nowadays. You shouldn't really be surprised," she shrugged almost indifferently.

Snape wanted to shout at the pair of them, "you fools! None of you actually _saw_ the real Harry Potter!" But he soon reminded himself that they weren't the people he should be berating. Not even their parents were the people who had once clung to the boy -- and yes, he had been just a _boy_ -- as their saviour. And their grandparents were the children born after the war, in all likelihood. Snape suddenly felt very old indeed.

"Did you know that this one is a veteran, too?" Zee said conversationally.

"Really? I don't recall hearing the name 'Snape' mentioned in the stories they used to tell."

_Used to_: past tense. Not even the stories were told any longer. _Of course,_ Snape thought dryly,

I had never been mentioned.

"Oh, supposedly he was a spy or something on ol' Voldie." Her casual disregard of the monster's name, the representation of the monster himself, pierced his soul. She was disregarding what the Dark Lord had done to _him_ by speaking so casually.

"Really, that's interesting. Wonder why he wasn't more highly esteemed…" Snape yearned to tell her.

"Yeah, looked it up when I found out I'd be caring for him."

Giggling, Jess offered Snape her hand, "nice to meet ya, Mr Snape. Pity you're practically a vegetable, I'm sure we would have gotten along splendidly."

"Jess, stop it!" But she too was giggling.

Snape tried to sneer, but the muscles in his face didn't respond to his command. Suddenly, he found his limp arm being raised up, his weathered hand clutched in hers. Contrasted on young flesh, his looked like something he used to cut up in his Potions classes.

The most disconcerting thing about the sight was the lack of stains on his fingers -- Snape had been without his Potions for almost a decade.

"Hee hee, Mr Snape, I'm sure you were a charming fellow," Jess snickered, dropping his hand. "Do you know if he knew Harry?" she asked.

"Yeah. I think he was a Hogwarts teacher, under Dumbledore and later McGonagall. Taught Potions, once."

"Oh, yeah, my grandmother went to school when she was Headmistress…" glancing back at Snape, she added, "yech. Potions. Don't know why they bother teaching that."

Righteous anger swelled up in him. Sure, Defence Against the Dark Arts had been his first love when he was younger -- but after just a decades teaching Potions he had begun to realize the how it was such a subtle science, yet exact art. _Merlin. _The exclamation was as outdated as he was, but he didn't notice. _I'm quoting myself, _the thought was bizarre.

"Hey! Potions is a fun subject," Zee told her friend. "I mean, sure, its not exactly the funnest…"

Had Snape been able to cringe, he would have. _Funnest? Honestly!_

"Well, the Great Harry Potter never like Potions," responded Jess, slightly mocking the man once-viewed as a saviour.

"Hmm… maybe Harry Potter didn't like Potions because of the teacher," Zee glanced pensively over at Snape who lay in is bed, a silent observer to the conversation.

Jess just made a face that plainly said, 'I don't really give a damn.'

"Too bad about Harry, though, dontcha think? Everyone said he was a great man," Zee said.

"Yeah. I know grandma is going to be right upset when she hears, supposedly my great-grandmother was friends with him… never really knew him though. He was already locked up in here when I graduated from Hogwarts."

"Me too." She looked over at Snape. "But you knew him once, didntcha?" He could tell that Zee didn't see the point of speaking to a vegetable.

_Oh, yes. I knew him once. _He looked up at her, mind whirling with memories. Harry in his first Potions class. Harry nearly getting thrown off his broomstick, even as Snape was muttered the counter-curse. Detentions. Almost catching the boy when he wandered about after curfew. Occumency lessons, where Snape invaded Harry's mind and searched for something he secretly knew he would never find -- that Harry was an exact replica of his father.

Past emotions swelled within him; jubilation at the thought that he was justified for all his cruelness when faced with the evidence that Harry had trespassed into his Pensieve. Anger at the gall of the boy to accuse him of responsibility of Black's death. Joy when Harry left Hogwarts. Bitter regret and longing for Harry had been when he had a tea with Dumbledore about how Dumbledore regretted propping Harry up like a figure-head.

Love for the passionate Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher.

_Everyone thought it was just fitting for the man who had defeated the Dark Lord to teach that class, _Snape remembered. _I wonder if it could have been different if I had approached him instead of ignoring him for all those years…_

"…yes, that war must have been a terrible war. I don't think we could really comprehend it today," Zee was saying, still looking at Snape.

_No, you don't have any idea what I went through. I gave up so much so that Jess would have the freedom to mock me. So that all of you could forget me, _he silently sent his thoughts at Zee, but he was no longer capable of any magic at all, so the spell was ineffective.

"Poor, Harry, though." Jess continued, obviously intent of discussing the latest death with her college.

"Why? Did he not just go peacefully in his sleep?"

"Not peacefully -- it appeared like he had some sort of nightmare or something. Was screaming something awful, disturbed the patients nearby -- plenty of the staff too. Most of it was unintelligible shrieking -- his mind was completely gone, a lot like this one here -- but he managed to get out a few intelligent syllables."

"Really, interesting," Zee responded, fluffing Snape's pillows. Soon she would be gone, leaving him to stare blankly up at the ceiling.

"Yeah. Something about padded foots and how it was all his fault a snake hated him." She smiled at her friend. "Well, it wasn't actually _intelligent_, per se. Screamed a lot about this snake." Suddenly her eyebrows rose, "actually… it sounded more like 'Snape,' now that I think about it…"

Snape's eyes widened marginally._ Something about _me_? _he thought, some sort of stupid _hope _thing flaring up in his chest. _Hah, I'm probably just in his own personal Hell._

"How interesting! What did he say?" Zee prompted.

"Well, I can't really remember… but it was something about 'why did I have to make him hate me.' Sounded like the poor chap cared a lot about this snake -- or Snape, if my ears are to be believed."

_Cared about me, my arse,_ Snape thought pessimistically. The hope flared again, nonetheless.

"Awww," Zee squealed. "Maybe they were in love a long time ago! That's so sweet!"

Jess giggled, "you amaze me, sometimes Zee. Would never have pictured you as a hopeless romantic." Zee huffed. "Well, I best get back to my end of the hospital. See ya later!"

"Bye, Jess," Zee called out after her and then did something that took Snape completely by surprise.

Zee turned to him, looked at him as if he were actually a person, and asked him a question, "was Harry good to you while he was still with you?" Snape couldn't even get himself to nod, but she continued as if she hadn't really been expecting an answer anyway.

"Did he love you? Was his passion for you in his every gaze? Could you sense when he walked in the room? Did you love him?"

To his shock and chagrin, Snape's eyes welled up with tears. He really _was _old. "You were young once." A statement, not a question. "I always forget that about my patients. You were my age once, and one day I will be yours," she silently berated herself, sounding slightly ashamed. "What is it like, I wonder… Not being elderly, but having loved -- in the past tense. And loving for decades; loving, even though you have become unable to express that love."

There was an ache in the back of his throat that indicated he was holding back tears. Soon he could no longer hold them back and some tears leaked into the creases around his eyes.

"What did it feel like to make love to him?" She asked, with a hint of a blush. "Assuming you did, of course. I better tend to my other patients…" Zee said, and walked out the door.

_I'll never know, _Snape thought bitterly in response to her last question.Snape managed to tilt his head to look up at the ceiling to the floor where Harry Potter had once lived.

_Apparently we have both suffered from love that we thought went unrequited, once. Another similarity between us, Mr Potter._

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A/N: Thank you for reading, I hope you liked it. Please review.


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